There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
