Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
