She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
