You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
