life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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