Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
