i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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