she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
