the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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