They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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