It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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