Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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