NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
