It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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