I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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