wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
