We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
