For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
