just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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