so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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