we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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