never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
