**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
