I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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