Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
