i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
