he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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