i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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