You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
