So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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