Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
