Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize