R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Where did you get a picture of my penis
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
