she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize