My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm like, not good at living.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
