i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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