If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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