her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
