I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
