New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
