Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
4 words: hood of his car
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
