I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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