I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize