I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just high enough for therapy.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
