good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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