dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
