Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
