she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
