can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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