Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize