the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
