I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
