just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
