The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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