Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize