After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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