ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
