Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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