so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
