I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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