one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
