Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
