6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
