There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
