I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
