He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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