hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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