Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
