Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
