I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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