my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
