Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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