you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize