The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
