the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I believe in your delicious
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
