cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
