Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
