Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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