worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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