I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
