Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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