So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
In America we eat man semen.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
