i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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