I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
