I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
