Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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