she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize