I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
