I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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