My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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