I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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