Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
God, I missed his penis.
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