I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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