Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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