maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
