Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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