Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
