i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize